I will be admitted to the hospital on Wednesday at 9 am. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t struggling this week.
I’m anxious. I’ve cramped off and on for the past few days. I’m starting to get uncomfortable. I’m very tired, very easily. And my mind has raced constantly. I’ve stayed in contact with my doctor and there are no worries right now as far as pre-term labor or anything. More than likely, my body is simply reacting to the stress of all that is, and all that is to come in the days ahead.
Regardless, the last day or two has been pretty mentally, and physically, taxing.
There are several things I want you to know if you’ve been following our journey so far:
- I posted this on social media, but last week we found out that one of the complications that Banks’ faced had healed on its own. Praise be to God. The complication was “minor” in the grand scheme of things, but the healing was just the encouragement we needed as we geared up for the journey ahead.
- At the same appointment, I also found out that the percreta may not be quite as advanced as we originally thought. After a super uncomfortable trans-vaginal ultrasound, the maternal-fetal specialist that I saw determined that the placenta has made contact with my bladder wall, but it does not appear to have gone any further at this time. This is very hopeful news. From the looks of things, I will still have to have a hole cut into my bladder, but I hopefully will not have to have quite as extensive bladder reconstructive surgery. Less reconstruction=less time forced to use a cath.
- I am not afraid. I think that’s important for everyone to know. Mainly because I am usually afraid of everything. I don’t mean this in a cliché “I have handed it over to the Lord and I rebuke the fear” kind of way. I do have a healthy amount of fear about certain aspects of all of this. I don’t want a central line. I don’t want transfusions. I am afraid of being in ICU. I don’t like needles. I am afraid of being alone a lot of the time. And 100 other things. BUT, overall, I am not sitting around afraid. I am anxious. But I do not fear the outcome of all of this. I’m going to be okay. And so is my baby.
- I haven’t mentioned this so far, but right before we found out everything going on with the pregnancy, we accepted a contract on our house. So….we are moving. On top of everything. I’m not participating in the actual moving this time-Jon will be moving in with his parents along with the boys and my parents will be assisting as well. But all in all, this means I won’t have the “comfort” of coming back to my house when I am discharged from the hospital. When I leave home Wednesday morning, I leave my boys and pups and family for several weeks. I leave my sweet house for a lifetime. I’ve done it before- and I’m not too sad about it as it was the plan from the time we decided to move home from Louisville. However, it adds to the overwhelm. Significantly.
- I sincerely appreciate the prayers and encouragement sent our way. Sunday, our home church, along with many other churches and individuals gathered to pray for us which was both mind-blowing and humbling. We sincerely appreciate every single prayer on our behalf. They mean more than you know.
- Regardless of all of the stress surrounding this pregnancy, we are celebrating a birth at the end of the day. I’ve tried to be as intentional as possible about celebrating this pregnancy, but I just want to remind everyone else of this, too as I feel like the joy sometimes gets overshadowed. I have had maternity pictures made, and this past weekend my family threw me a beautiful shower. Yes, my diagnosis and prognosis is scary. It sucks. Our families are struggling. We are overwhelmed. All of the things. But at the end of the day, Banks deserves to be celebrated. As “nontraditional” as all of this is, we are welcoming a new life. And that is an amazing, exciting thing.
- I met with my former boss last week. He tearfully prayed over me and embraced me like the second dad he’s always been to me. But, he also said something that stopped me in my tracks: “What amazing thing does God have planned for Banks’? It sure is taking a miracle from heaven to get him here. I wonder what he’s up to?” May that be the perspective everyone has going forward as you follow along with our journey. May God overwhelm you-as he has me-with the hope that this sweet new life brings with it. No matter how rough the road to get him here.
I wish I had more to say. I wish I could leave you with some revelatory thought or something, but I don’t have anything tonight. I know there will be many, many people wanting updates when I go into surgery, etc. and I am not sure logistically how to handle that. I think mainly we will focus on informing our family as Jon is the only person allowed with me throughout this process. However, I promise to update all of you as soon as I can. I’m sure I will update again from the hospital before everything happens but just in case-know we will inform everyone as soon as we can.
Tonight, I am going to take a warm bath and snuggle with my puppy like I do every night. And tomorrow, we are having a sweet family day with the boys. Then tomorrow night, I’ll zip my suitcase and say my prayers and gear up for the days ahead. And most importantly, for the birth of Harrison Baby #3.
Let’s do this!